Keep your phone alive with these 7 tips

When your phone breaks, it’s on par with the death of a loved one, worse than a large asteroid falling to earth and only slightly better than running out of a coffee on a Monday morning.  We’ve all been there at one point—lost, alone and shunned from society, reeling from the aftermath of a broke-down, cracked-up phone.

As soon as it lands in a large puddle, cracks on the pavement or fails to take a charge, panic immediately sets in.  The mad dash to buy a new phone officially starts.  Suddenly, you’ve resorted to Neanderthal speak, “Now.  Phone.  Need.”  You are unable to process basic human needs; the need for a phone trumps the need for food, shelter and water.

It’s impossible to avoid this dismal, desperate, dire situation forever and somewhere down the line some scientific study will prove this theory to be true.  Your phone will break; it’s simply a matter of when, in what way and how many times.

So, in order to make this situation somewhat less frequent, here’s seven simple tips to keep your phone alive and well and you civilized and sane.

Protect thy screen.

A screen protector will not make your phone invincible; however, it will postpone those inevitable scratches and cracks.  The longer you keep your phone scratch-free and without cracks, the higher your ROI is.  And, considering the most popular phones are nearing the $400 mark, a higher ROI is good by anybody’s standards.

You can score an inexpensive pack of 10 plastic screen protectors for about $5 or you can go up a level and purchase a high-quality tempered glass screen protector for about $30.  Your phone will have a ton of smudges in its future and it’ll gain about half a millimeter in thickness… but just think…ROI.

Sleek and modern or bulletproof?

Yes, your phone is quite nice.  It’s shiny and slim, with curves in all the right areas; it’s a smokin’ hot piece of technology.  But, just how good looking will it be when it cracks out and loses its ability to think?

Not so good looking, right?  So, let’s keep it covered in a rock-hard, nothings-getting-through-this, brick of a case.  Your phone probably won’t look as good but at least it’ll have a brain.

Well, hello there toilet.  We meet again.

According to CNET, 75% of people use their phone while on the toilet.  Of this 75%, 19% will then drop their phone inside the toilet.  This will not leave your phone in a very good spot—both mentally and physically.

Don’t take your phone to the bathroom with you.  It will not end well.

Cradle it like a newborn baby.

Think of your phone as you would a newborn baby.  Would you pick a newborn child up by her toes and dangle her at your side as you walk from room to room?  Probably not.  You cradle a newborn with both hands.

The same should go for your phone.  Your phone is delicate and expensive just like a child is.  Don’t pick your phone up at the corners; cradle it.

Liquids aren’t welcome in these parts.

This is just plain commonsense.  Don’t put coffee, water, soda, tea or any other beverage near your phone.  If you do,you deserve every wet second of it.

Also, do not put your phone near a tub, sink, things that go flush or anything that dispenses a liquid substance.

So many pockets, so little space.

Pockets are never a good idea.  But, if you must put your phone in the pockets of your pants, pocket wisely.  Back pockets are a certified and definite absolute no, never, not ever.  You sit directly on your back pockets.  In other words, you sit on your phone.  Sounds like a good way to break it.

Also, as you sit, your pocket curves.  During this process, anything too big inside your pocket falls out.  Translation?  Your phone falls out—onto the hard floor, into the liquid-filled toilet, towards a broke-down, cracked-up future.

Your front seat loves a good show.

A great majority of phone breakers suffer from the Spidercrack Syndrome.  If your phone is too cracked, it becomes useless, unreadable and untouchable.  Many times this happens as you get out of your car: Your phone is on or near your lap and as you move to exit your vehicle, it gracefully falls from your lap straight onto the pavement.  If this happens, your phone will see the likes of the Spidercrack Syndrome.

Avoid an early grave and keep your phone away from your lap.  Not only is it distracting while driving but your phone’s future may include the dark side of the pavement.  The dashboard, passenger seat or middle console are fine alternatives.  And, retrieve your phone only after you’ve successfully exited your vehicle.